This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
