Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
