No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going