So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.