I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are