I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
