Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
