Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
