all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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