My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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