maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
