she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
