Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
