Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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