Porn is love you can see.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
