I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
