Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
