I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize