Say something about gay babies.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
