I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
