i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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