If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
