i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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