I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
