he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
