So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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