Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
