I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
