I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
