I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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