Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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