we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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