Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
