I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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