I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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