...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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