if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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