There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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