mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My penis needs a shock collar
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize