Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
