So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
