i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
