Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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