i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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