dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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