is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize