New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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