he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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