I think I died a long time ago.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
