Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am naked and annoyed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
