I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All the doctor said was why
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
