Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
