Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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