She said her name was "party"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
