The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
