smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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