I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
