Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
