I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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