help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
