if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
