Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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