Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
