and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
