I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
