hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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