So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
